How to Move On: 5 Essential Tips for Getting Over Your Ex

It’s been awhile since I last posted. There’s a lot we have to catch up on and why the unexpected pause in blogging. I won’t place the blame on certain individuals or situations, but I will place the blame on myself for allowing these things to happen. I felt as if I was being consistent with my personal goals, however, I allowed myself to be involved with someone that was toxic to my mental health and overall well being. From bringing myself to a place of misery where that person was dwelling, to overall not loving myself as I should’ve been doing. Now that I brought myself to a level of having my confidence again and my self esteem peaking to how it originally was, I can honestly look back and think to myself, “Rickey, really? What were you thinking?” 

You know the funny part about being in a toxic relationship, in the present you’re not aware that who you’re involved with is not conducive to your health. You allow yourself to continue to forgive actions that you know aren't right. You know this isn’t healthy at all, but you continue to hold on to a piece of hope. You’re hoping that the situation could change for the better. I was with someone that personally stated, “I am pathetically lonely and miserable as fuck.” Do you consider this someone who could pour into you positively? I know you’re thinking, “Rickey, that was your warning sign there.” I continued to attempt to understand because a person dealing with being mentally unstable is real. I experienced times where she was one foot in and one foot out. Again, another sign that this isn’t a relationship I should fully commit to, but did.

How could I allow this to happen and for a year? Manipulation, it’s as simple as that. I always questioned myself and my talents. When someone this miserable senses that, it becomes easier to pull someone into their dark place of insecurities. Is it possible I was seeing someone that was jealous of me, yes of course! There was a comparison factor between the two of us. Whether it was as simple as me not having a child and being able to do things she wasn’t able to do or levels of success in  career or financial. I look back and laugh at the things she would say. For example, “Your salary is above average or your career is not sexy.” This is coming from someone that is an “entrepreneur,” but isn’t confident in their ability to be lucrative with their business themselves. Saying my career is not “sexy,” but then personally telling me to be with a woman that has a “real” career unlike herself. These are snippets of the toxic things that were said. Does this make any sense at all?

Things ended with us both respectfully going our separate ways at the beginning of April. Was it difficult to move forward, yes of course! After a few weeks of venting my frustrations and looking myself in the mirror and knowing my worth, I woke up. I realized after dissecting this situation, there was more I brought to the table and how I should know my value, not to other women, but to myself. Now I’m back at the level I was before with my confidence and knowing what I do offer. This is an amazing feeling loving yourself again and having your confidence back.  This is why I decided to come up with tips to get over an ex while building yourself up again.

Tip I: Reflect on your breakup

It’s not you actually thinking about your ex or wanting that person in your life again. It’s simply dissecting what you will not allow again and what you want from the next person that comes into your life. Now you recognize the red flags and warning signs. You know what triggers you and when to verbally express how you feel about what you don’t like. After reflecting, you may be upset, not at the person, but that you allowed for it to continue to happen for an extended period of time. That’s perfectly fine, because it comes with growth. Going through that season of hurt is what you needed to “glow up.” 

Tip II: Focus on the positives of the breakup

Now that you’re single, you have time to focus on yourself. No commitments, just you! What are things that hurt or stressed you that you no longer have to be concerned about? Now you realize life without that is a lot more enjoyable, even relaxing. Personally I have dealt with anxiety attacks in the past, so this played a significant role in healing. After a breakup, it's normal to go through a period of grief or being upset, but realize that you now have time to enjoy things that bring you pleasure. Whether it’s trying a new restaurant, traveling to a new city or as simple as surrounding yourself with friends. Think positive after it’s all said and done.

Tip III: Do things for yourself

While you might feel like your world has ended and you’ll never get over your ex, you will. Write a bucket list of everything you want to do before you settle down and start doing them. As cliché as this sounds, create a vision board of the goals you want to accomplish that you weren't able to do before. I’m a visual person so I like to see what my goals are and pace myself doing each one. Don’t live life like you have a reset button. The world hasn’t ended because your relationship did. Get out and enjoy yourself!

Tip IV: Visualize your future without them

As terrible as this may sound, do it! It’s over, what’s next? You continue to move forward in life. Prove to yourself that you can maneuver and progress in life without them. People come into your life for a season at times to show you what you want and don’t want. What are you going to do, complain or take action? You’re single and it’s time to go about life without a timeline for when you will meet the person that is right for you. In everything you do, you’re putting yourself first now. It’s selfish season, so be selfish unapologetically.

Tip V: Start dating again

I know you may be hung up on your ex, but don’t allow the opportunity of meeting the right person pass you by. The world is huge and you haven’t met everyone. Your soul mate could be in your neighborhood or even in a completely different state. You won’t know until you open yourself up to receive love again. One thing I’ve learned is that there are women out here that will show me what a healthy relationship looks like. How refreshing is it to connect with someone that brings you peace. Grieve, but also loosen up and have some fun. It's summer so don’t let this nice weather pass you by. Whether you’re the person that approaches or wants to let things happen naturally, it’s your prerogative. Be with someone that gives you love, not headaches.