The Stigma Surrounding Childless Black Men

Wow... I made it to see another year. I made it to see another decade. I’m thirty years old now! As a black man, seeing thirty is a major milestone. We, as black men, already have to deal with the stressors of life, such as... being a black man. As soon as we leave out the front door in the morning, we have to deal with racial profiling, being pulled over by the police when en route to our destination, being stereotyped while in public, and overcoming negative connotations that have been placed on all of us as a whole. One stereotype that does concern me is, “Hey you’re thirty, educated, in a stable career field, and seem to have it together. Why don’t you have any kids?” When I hear this, so many responses and thoughts come to mind. First, why are you in my business? Nah.. I’m joking, but seriously... Why is being thirty plus and a black man, with no children, a concern?

Is it the stereotype that black men are hypersexual? Is it the negative image that society places on us that all black men have baby momma drama? When someone asks me “Why don’t you have any kids?”, my first response is obviously for selfish reasons. Yes, I do enjoy my time alone and only taking care of myself. When I walk through the door from a long day of work, the first thing I want to do is rip my clothes off, get a cigar and a drink, and blast my music... not worry about the responsibility of a child. Eventually, as I get older, my mindset about having children may change.. maybe not. I always get the question, “You don’t have any children? What is wrong with you?” Even from my peers, it’s “Are you okay?” or “Are you gay?”, the most ignorant question you can ask someone! What if I have goals that are more important to me than starting a family? What if I want to enjoy my peace and accomplish other feats? There’s a long list of things that I have to accomplish before creating a family.

Yes, I do realize I’m thirty and my chances of meeting a woman who doesn't have any children at my age are lowering, day by day. I always have high hopes that there are women out there that possess the same mindset I have when it comes to having children. I know there are... why even doubt myself? The world is huge, Rick! Why question sexuality, just because a man is older with no children? This doesn’t apply to everyone’s mindset, but you do have your fair share of ignorant people out there that do think this way. My love life has been a rollercoaster ride, literally! I’ve made the decision to focus on my goals and let love happen, naturally. Do I have a preference? Of course! I aim for quality, not quantity, which ties into the hypersexual connotation black men have. No, we’re not all out here having sex with every woman we meet or lay eyes on.

This is too funny. I have dreams of meeting my dream woman and we both have reached our goals, career wise and financially, before starting a family. I’m in the same boat with everyone when logging into social media. Seeing couple goals and beautiful families being posted daily to IG do place me on a timeline. I always have to remind myself that’s their journey and life and not mine. Rickey, you’re on the right track and everything will happen when it suppose to. I have all the time in the world to procreate, but for now I’m perfecting my craft and progressing day by day. That’s my opinion only. Maybe for some, my logic may be warped. Maybe some will agree and say I feel the same exact way. Everyone is on their own journey and in the words of Nip, “Life is a Marathon, not a Sprint.” Maybe one day I’ll pop up and I’ll have children, who knows?